Monday, March 12, 2012

{Manic} Monday

Mondays are such long crazy busy days for me. 
Today was the same...
however after the craziness of life the last week today just felt so different
I was more like manic Monday
Just Monday
Another day 
Another set of choices
Another set of interactions
Another opportunity
Another chance

I have never felt so cared for and supported in a time of extreme uneasiness and confusion in my life
It still blows my mind how I can be vulnerable writing in this blog but in my day to day life & even intimate interactions with close is something I struggle with big time.
Slowly but surely I am regaining confidence in my faith & after spending years being so off and on 
I have never felt so strongly about my beliefs 
My mind has been racing non stop and it all caught up with me yesterday and I had a total meltdown...
I have had these moments before...feeling completely drained 
& at a loss for words to even express daily thoughts. 
In these moments I used to have very defeating thoughts and would try to just push through 
on my own 
Not smart
Last night was so different..
ever been lucky enough to have someone around you caring for you, encouraging you, and simply investing into your life to the point where you literally do not know what to say in return???
If you have, man it is truly amazing...
Last night was one of those times...but times like a million

All I can say is thank you
Or better yet...nothing at all
Let my actions speak louder then words
I am so encouraged. 
My friends are more like close family & I am truly blessed
& now my prayer is to be able to offer this kind of encouragement to others 

ugh, what a nasty thing. I struggle with pride.
I have even heard it from people I love that they see me as being prideful...
not something I ever want to hear. 
Our society encourages this prideful outlook on pretty much everything
It is so easy to get sucked into it

I thought I was good at being humble. hm..very prideful thinking huh. 
I think society looks at humbleness at being a huge weakness
I think society is killing itself with this thought... 
In reality...people (including myself) would benefit & does benefit
SO much more from embracing & practicing humbleness. is one of my most vulnerable posts
(and an attempt to practice humbleness)

One of my favorite blogs is Casey Wiegands
Casey is so open in her blog & it is why I was drawn to it in the first place
I remember spending hours at a time just reading everything
all of her struggles, happy times, high & lows of life, etc...
After hours of well...creeping I guess...I felt like I had known her my whole life 
& not just known... but really knew her...everything...I realized how hard it is to even 
really know the people i'm around everyday including family.
I feel like my mind thinks very similarly to Casey, I relate to her so much
 & am so inspired by her boldness 
That is the one thing I have not had...but it is time to get over my pride and be bold

My hope & prayer is to be as open as possible to lead a life following & mimicking Christ 
I might have felt this over and over again 
but here it is...out in the open...
 Any other time in my life I would be extremely concerned about the opinions of various members...just people in general...
Not anymore

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

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